“He’s the One” Campaign Is Bait and Switch

May 11, 2010 · 1985 views

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When I saw this ad on a bathroom wall in a gay bar in Chicago, I thought it was for a dating site and didn’t think much of it. It was just a weird composite […]

    Comments

  1. Of course you can download the PNG file and make hilarious art about it.

    Here’s mine:

    Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!
  2. That’s pretty rough. I see where they are coming from but blaming the poz guy (who probably didn’t know he was poz) is just dumb. We already know that fear tactics do not work and I wish they would stop wasting money on those campaigns which just hurt the poz community. I still say the biggest issue is negotiation where people don’t know how to talk about safe sex. I would love to see a positive campaign that would teach you how to empower yourself in bed.

    and i’m also upset that the jib jab movie would have a warning for a topless dancer.

  3. I’m not so sure that I see this ad campaign as a “sneaky safe-sex message”. And I don’t think that there is any demonization of gay men taking place within this print ad, but I understand how some might see it that way. The demon is HIV and it’s transmitted by humans to humans.

    It’s the virus that’s sneaky – and it uses human behavior to propagate itself. The virus hides in people we may know or want to know. With an infection rate in Chicago of about 17%, it’s likely that we all know someone who carries the virus.

    If we were to agree that HIV infection could end within a generation or two, then we’d have to agree that behavioral changes would need to occur. But we’re not necessarily seeing long-term changes in sexual behavior because infection rates are, once again, on the rise.

    Is it shocking that “he could infect you?” Yes, it is. And it should be. Maybe he’s POS or maybe he’s NEG – whichever the case, one needs to know that before jumping into the sac. No…wait…you can jump in the sac with “him” and you can do all kinds of exciting things with him while IN the sac, it’s just that we need to protect ourselves from a very sneaky virus.

    How one behaves in the sac needs to be based on factual information. If one is not willing to divulge their HIV status, or their status is not being discussed, then that alone aught to be enough to change our behaviors. Out of sight, out of mind is not an effective prevention method either.

    From the perspective of public health and safety, the most effective method of curbing the spread of the virus is behavioral change. A fish bowl full of condoms at the front a bar isn’t necessarily an award-winning anti-HIV campaign. If the message of “use condoms” was effective, we’d see infection rates decreasing.

    Is “He’s the One” a completely effective campaign? Certainly it’s not. If it’s one more weapon in a fight to curb the spread of a public health problem, then let’s see it for what it is – something that causes us to think about our behaviors.

    This is not just a challenge for gay men in the U.S. In a recent series of articles in the New York times about HIV infection, a similar question is raised about sexual behaviors in Africa: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/10/world/africa/10aidscondom.html

    Additionally, the epidemiologist Elizabethe Pisani recently spoke at TED regarding the spread of HIV:
    http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/elizabeth_pisani_sex_drugs_and_hiv_let_s_get_rational_1.html

    • I said it was sneaky because for weeks it presented itself as something other than a safe-sex campaign. You aren’t seeing it because you are only seeing this image here and you are not experiencing the weeks of “what is this?” and then bam- it’s a safe sex message.

  4. A. Donald Fisher says:

    hhmmm I KNEW this advertising campaign would be controversial. When I drove past a billboard and saw it, I doubled back to re-read it and understand its message. The message is a gay REALITY. A gay man will contract the virus from another gay man-simple as that. A gay man does not contract the virus from a woman or a mosquito..he gets the virus from the sexual fluids or blood of another GAY man. It is bold and un-afraid campaign…and of course now it has been taken down as too controversial. The advertisement shows the HIV positive gay man as a MAJOR player of the HIV equation. Jeff Johnson is correct as he states, “The condoms in the fishbowl in the gay bar-is NOT working”.

    Personally, I wish the advertisement had even gone further and discussed the medically sound sexual practice of sero-sorting as a logical method to contain the virus to the present HIV community. There are now dating and sex websites devoted to HIV positive individuals who can meet online, have anonymous sex, or fall in love, and NEVER infect another HIV negative person. No one really cares that many gay men have a surfeit of anonymous sex- that is their prerogative (and that will never change). What we do care about is the HIV virus spreading further into the negative community-that is ALL OF OUR BUSINESS.

    The Orasure company in Bethlehem ,PA that makes the 20- minute mouth swab tests which are available in gay bath houses and gay centers is trying to get FDA approval for over-the-counter sales. The Obama administration should work to get this product into the hands of consumers who can use ORASURE at home (or in the backseat of their car) to test a potential sex partner before sexual fluids get ejaculated. These 20 minute mouth swab tests are highly reliable, and a MUCH more tangible option then “asking” a gay man his HIV status. If a gay man refuses to take the ORASURE test in front of another anonymous gay sex partner, it would seem reasonable that certain sexual practices be definitely be avoided to minimize the HIV risk to the HIV negative sex partner The sexual pairing may safely include: mutual masturbation, or condom- wrapped anal intercourse. As always ,condoms SHOULD be used, but as we all know..condoms are not really stopping the spread of the virus.

    If used, these tests would greatly stanch the new cases of HIV into the community because the status of the HIV positive sex partner will become known to the HIV negative sex partner. Also all the black preachers on the South Side (and Fr. Pfleger at St. Sabina) should work with Obama to get the ORASURE product to market because black women are also being infected at an alarming rate by down-low gay black men, and those who acquire the virus through gay sex while in prison. Prisons should also sero-sort the inmates. But prison officials do not want to discuss gay sex in prisons.

    • The advertisement doesn’t show, as you say “the HIV positive gay man as a MAJOR player of the HIV equation.” You don’t know if any of the men in that picture are positive.

      It points the finger at the whole community and creates an atmosphere like a witch hunt that increases paranoia but doesn’t provide people with the tools to negotiate safer sex.

      • Joey Y says:

        I disagree on this. It’s not saying the whole community is dangerous. I feel that it’s saying that ANYONE could be a risk, or AT risk, even a close friend. In other words, use caution. In NYC I learned that you basically should, at all times, assume that there’s a chance a partner/sexual contact is positive, and act accordingly. In Chicago, for some reason, I’ve noticed that people will take anyone’s word as gospel, and that’s just plain dumb. Is having cum in your ass really worth all the rest if you make a bad call, regardless of the source?

      • If someone regularly wants to disregard reality and practice a lot of sex acts that might result in HIV or STD infections, I think they have some deep psycholocial problems. Why don’t they value themselves as people as much as the value sex acts that put them in danger?

        Also, what about random online hookups where someone could wind up at a violent person’s house?

        Thankfully, most gay men are wonderful human beings who can survive just about anything that happens. A lot of this is just a battle for money.

  5. John Peller says:

    I don’t want to minimize the problem of HIV among black women, but there’s no evidence that black women are getting HIV from men on the “down low”:

    “The phenomenon of men on the down low has gained much attention in recent years; however, there are no data to confirm or refute publicized accounts of HIV risk behavior associated with [down low] men. What is clear is that women, men, and children of minority races and ethnicities are disproportionately affected by HIV and AIDS and that all persons need to protect themselves and others from getting or transmitting HIV.” [http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/resources/qa/downlow.htm]

    and…

    “Despite all the talk about “down low” Black men – who have sex with women while secretly having intercourse with men – the major cause of the extremely high HIV/AIDS rates among African-American women is being fueled by heterosexual Black men with multiple sex partners, a top federal official says.” http://www.michronicleonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=233:cdc-down-low-men-not-responsible-for-high-hiv-rates-among-black-women-&catid=33:top-news&Itemid=32

  6. It’s also great for masking and man roulette!

  7. If this is AIDS prevention, I think I’ll take my chances with religious bigots, thank you very much. God this is this ad stupid, and it makes me angry to know that it ran in in a gay paper.

  8. A. Donald Fisher says:

    This gay/ HIV/ AIDS issue is way too important to be discussed solely on this local Feast of Fun forum; this public health/ economic health issue needs a national forum/platform whereby the HIV POSITIVE community can hear from its HIV POSITIVE leaders about the importance of sero-sorting, and full and honest HIV status disclosure to anonymous sex partners. Larry Kramer in NYC (HIV POSITIVE himself) had been a leading voice in this discussion until the HIV POSITIVE community excoriated him for being so vocal and honest about the responsibility of the POSITIVE community to keep the virus contained among its own current membership. Who are the next vocal leaders on this issue?

    In Chicago, we must give kudos to Dr. Daniel S. Berger who runs a wonderful HIV/AIDS medical practice in Lakeview. Dr. Berger is facilitating the medical model of sero-sorting by offering HIV POSITIVE nights at Chicago boystown bars. Might we also suggest that Dr. Berger implore Steamworks, RAM Glory Hole, Mans Country, Chicago Eagle, etc. to offer rotating weekly HIV POSITIVE nights whereby the POSITIVE community can engage each other in anonymous sex without spreading the virus. If each sex establishment rotates the HIV Positive nights, there will be a constant flow and opportunity for the Positive community, and no one needs to feel left out.

    Literally 1000s of gay men from all over the world will descend upon Chicago for the Memorial Day weekend in search of sex for an event called IML which stands for International Male Leather and features gay leather sex as its predominate attraction. A MAJOR reputable downtown Chicago hotel sells out every room each year for this event. For that weekend, Chicago will likely be ground-zero for new HIV transmission infections. Similarly, heavy- set gay men called “bears” will also be in a different Chicago hotel seeking sex from their own members for Bear Run Chicago. Chuck Renslow of IML fame has decided not to allow the sale and distribution of bareback sex videos at his weekend event. That might indicate Chuck is making some business decisions based upon the escalating HIV rates of gay men. I guess he does not want the onus of responsibility for HIV transmission at his blow-out event on his conscience. (That seems admirable). IML reserves special ballrooms devoted to separate sexual fetishes like urine sex play called watersports, S & M domination/ torture sex play, fisting sex play (handballing). How about asking Chuck to reserve a ballroom each nights for members of the Positive COMMUNITY in an effort toward sero-sorting. Can Dr. Berger make this medically-sound recommendation to Chuck Renslow before Memorial Day weekend arrives?

    • Feast of Fun may be based in Chicago but we do have a national and international audience- thank you very much.

      That reminds me, I’d love to get Larry Kramer on the show – anybody have his contact?

      • I’m negative, but the idea of segregating and quarantining ANYONE makes me VERY uncomfortable. I agree that poz guys MUST disclose their status to potential partners before things get too far–even if they intend to use condoms. That said, negative guys have got to know how to protect themselves as well. The responsibility is clearly on BOTH partners EVERY TIME, regardless of known status to protect themselves.

        I’m a smart guy, I know how its spread, and I know how to protect myself, so I’d have no problem hooking up with a poz guy–I know how to stay safe in that and every situation. There’s really nothing to fear if you’re smart. That said, I would not have much respect for a guy who fooled around with me–albeit safely–and didn’t disclose his status first. His status would not be a barrier for a second date, but lying would be.

        Attack the virus, not the person. Learn about HIV. Educate yourself. Take the stigma away and replace it with facts and compassion. It is true that ANYONE can get HIV–none of us are immune. So instead of stigmatizing, lets open up the dialogue and replace blind fear with wisdom!

        And use a condom every time!!!

  9. Gregory++Sanchez+III says:

    I seen this “He’s the One”campaign and I feel that I am in the center of what I think of this campaign.I have read several comments and the reaction towards this. I first want to respond as an educator for over 16 years and then respond to the campaign itself. I have had the great opportunity to talk to people,teach people, gathering their thoughts about this ongoing epidemic(through education and outreach even just through random conversation) that the educational messages about HIV/AIDS doesn’t seem to send a state of urgency to the various audiences that need to embrace “YES the fear of this Virus and the realities and responsibilities that come with it”, my job as an educator is to put the facts out there,the science,and figure out a way for the audience to connect because the audiences vary so much especially in generation,age or a separateness/disconnectedness towards HIV/AIDS. They never buried friends or sat by bedsides or had an experience to fire up the passion to do something about it. There are four styles of learning-we don’t all learn the same way-so this must be considered in designing a curriculum and then factor in the possibility that some audiences I’ve educated to have various mental disorders,dysfunction or barriers to learning that so many people are affected by and the list goes on.These factors may influence the behavioral choices they make…education can not be just a hour long blueprint of the same old blah blah blah,with the mindset; lets get it done, lets get demographics, lets meet our quota, and then we think they really got it(very doubtful). Lets give HIV AIDS 45 mins of our time and think the audience got it(NOT!).HIV/AIDS deserves the attention and the support it rarely gets since the epidemic began-stigma still is with us.Then opposite to fear you have optimism and the chance these days to survive longer. These life saving drugs that buy us time is a godsend for now but not the end all answer(but right now it’s what we have)-I’m not sure I even view the meds like so many people do in a positive light-alot of people think if they do become infected-hell just take a pill or pills and all is good.I’ve been sick with various health related problems for the last 25 years living with AIDS and buried ALOT of friends/Allies along the way, I was 19, so my perspective may differ from the popular opinion;it is my life experience though and I will be authentic about my own life experience and bring in what I have learned through the experience of others- I deal with HIV/AIDS and do what I can but still the longer I live it’s getting harder to distinguish what is a result of getting older and whats HIV/AIDS. I take 16 pills now. meds are and were a part of the reason why I am still here, but so much more went into the mix;like my inner spirituality,listening to my body, my instincts, positive attitude and when I need to feel the sadness or fear that can sometimes accompany living with AIDS I sit with what I’m feeling, worked it out, cried, got angry and whatever else I need to do,then went on. I rarely hold my inner turmoil inside when I am in a difficult place, I let it out,I view it as a cancer that needs to get out in part in order to survive. Okay getting back to the add, yes they could off done it better I agree. I too though believe that if it shook some people up or made a little fear get into them, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, fear can be extinguished with education. I do get by looking at the add how it appears but lets face it I know for a fact that people always aren’t forthright and upfront about their status and live in denial and have no conviction if they infect someone. I myself am open about my status and don’t care if I’m rejected because of it, of course it has hurt in the past but I feel better when I disclose.So in this day and age when infections are on the rise, maybe the campaign wasn’t totally bad-I mean they got a reaction.If Fear is a reaction from the possibility that someone can look great, be this hot sexy gay man, or he’s a bf that discloses later and that he could be the one that infects you-yeah this is a reality different scenarios happen and there are people that do have sex and don’t disclose. I hear conversations at the bar , online and in inner circles of acquaintances that this happens/denial happens-lets not pretend that it doesn’t. It is both parties responsibility to talk about HIV/AIDS and or STDs.I don’t believe fear in itself is a bad thing,if it’s coupled with empowerment/education and what you can do to protect yourself.I’m not going to pretend that this virus is not capable of still taking lives-YES people are still dying FYI!!!!.I think a curriculum anywhere that you are teaching about HIV/AIDS needs at least 3 continuous sessions with breaks in between like a week apart-Factual, audio, visual,testimonials that target the particular audience to sink in.I’m tired of people who are educators not always teaching the HIV/AIDS message and give it the TIME it deserves. The he the one campaign wasn’t put together well, it could of been done a little differently-I get it. But ya know we are in real complacent time of all this and this complacency has been going on for years now, we have grown numb, maybe people would motivate if they felt afraid.Please do not misinterpret me about fear, I would never go into a teaching with the intent to scare anyone. I go in with the realities of what this virus can do, what it continues to do…but there is something you can do about it to know your status, and treatments are available. I guess being infected since I was 19 at the brunt of the epidemic I’ve come from a different perspective at times. I will never forget the friends and mentors that are gone and what they taught me. Through my eyes I have lived the reality of living with AIDS and yes fearful moments when I thought I was gonna die, but I have also embraced the hope of maybe a cure in our lifetime, so I remain optimistic about the future.Again I get why people were so offended by this campaign. I wasn’t offended though.There was a reaction that’s for sure and that’s not always a bad thing. It gets people talking and hopefully we can embrace the good , bad and indifferent opinion in the fight against HIV/AIDS and come up with more affective and progressive programs and services that can wake up peoples-motivation, passion and the connectedness to the epidemic that so very much needed . History must never be forgotten, we must examine where we are in affective messages in our present time, Where we were in history and learn from it, and where are we going with maybe some different ways of getting education across.Still theres a long way to go. In Peace , Greg Sanchez

  10. Rick says:

    Scare tactic?? Really?? Jesus. Lots of whiners out there who seem to be making waaaay too much about this stupid campaign. You’re actually making it more popular than it would have otherwise been. This really looks demonic, evil, and horrible to you? Have you seen someone’s face in the last stages of AIDS?
    Just another “pretend” message that falls into the other thousand messages that have never worked and never will. So what if it were a scare tatic? I’d rather see someone scared than becoming infected. No message has ever worked or we wouldn’t continue to see high infection rates.

    Sure, it’s an imperfect campaign, but really, scare tactic? Grow up guys.

    • Fear is irrational and what we need is rational decision making which is long term.

      And what’s making too much about this stupid campaign? I really wonder how much was spent on this campaign when the state of Illinois complains it’s broke.

      • GayAl says:

        So what if this ad cost nothing or something. Does it matter to you Marc? What if this ad cost a million bucks and reached 1 person and made himself get tested and is now living a safer life? Isn’t THAT worth something? Don’t be a hypocrite to care about your fellow gays then pull the old “I want some of that State money’ card for my cause routine. Or what if like Rick above states this campaign scared someone into getting tested? Isnt getting AIDs a scary prospect? I’ve read many of your complaints about the ad and I’m trying to be upset…but I’m having trouble here. The reality is just that, a reality that ANYONE..(like the varied colored faces on the Frankengay Image (thanks JR) can be the one who may not be completely honest with you. He can be gay OR straight.black or white, latino or caucasian. What is the beef? mmmm, did someone say beef?

    • Gregory++Sanchez+III says:

      Kudos Rick!

  11. A. Donald Fisher says:

    A man who works as a paid professional in the area of HIV/ AIDS has stated recently to the public , “The reality is most infections happen in (gay) relationships”. This is a curious statement on many levels-because HIV does just not arrive magically in the beds of gay partners in an LTR …someone is screwing around in a reckless “uninhibited” manner. He must be referring to the fact that many gay men in LTR have “open sex” policies, and he is acknowledging that one partner is having risky condomless sex and bringing the HIV infection back home to the unsuspecting partner. However, if the “uninhibited” bareback / condomless partner had thought about the “hesthe1 that could infect you” campaign, perhaps he would have considered using a condom to negate the risk of infection to the unsuspecting partner at home.

    Now I am further considering of the statement made by the Chicago healthcare professional “The reality is most infections happen in relationships.” If it is factually accurate, let’s bring it out into the open, and deal with it as a Public Health Policy Issue, and devise a strategy to contend with it….no need to obfuscate on this reality… (but wow-who’d a thought….)

    Well, so now let’s think about the possible sex behaviors and possible HIV risk avoidant behaviors of both of these gay men and their possible impact on the gay community in Chicago (or elsewhere). Apparently, it is COMMON for one LTR partner gives the virus to the other via unprotected sexual liaisons. So obviously, one or both partners embraced the condomless sex mindset. Is there any reason to expect them to now suddenly embrace a lifetime sexual monogamy? (you can answer that for yourself) Do we expect them both to embrace a condom- centric sex life when having sex while others? (hhhmmmm..maybe. maybe not- but Chicago HIV statistics might indicate otherwise). Seems reasonable that any NEG gay man would be well-served by recalling the advertising campaign message, “hesthe1..who could infect you”…and act in a sexually prudent manner.

    But, these two partners could WILLINGLY commit to the medical model of sero-sorting , and NEVER again risk the health of another gay man. They can WILLINGLY choose only to be sexually involved ONLY with other HIV POS gay men they meet , both online or in person. The gay centric website BAREBACK REAL TIME.com literally has 100s of member profiles in Chicago alone. Or, these men could commit to condom-centric sex with others. Condoms do not really address the notion of HIV infected semen swishing through the gums (via oral sex) of HIV NEGATIVE men (or women). My own HIV specialist doctor does NOT really embrace receptive oral sex from an HIV TOP as wholly risk-free and desirable (from a medical stand point)..but that is another topic altogether.

    No one likes the notion of being limited in their sexual expression/ contacts/ numbers. Sex is a human right-I guess. The medical model of sero-sorting does not expect anyone to forgo sexual fulfillment; it does however espouse the notion that you enjoy your UNSAFE sexual activity with those individuals who share your similar sero-status.

    Furthermore, since the HIV/AIDS professional states that most gay men acquire the virus in a LTR, does that indicate that WEEKLY monitoring the HIV status of our gay LTR partners is advisable/prudent in our own living rooms?? Possibly so.? All the more reason for each man to have on hand a stockpile of the ORASURE 20 minute mouth swab test at home. But unfortunately ORASURE is being hampered by the FDA for approval over-the-counter. So now, it would seem that we need to mobilize the political clout of the POSITIVE community and the Gay community to petition Obama to get the FDA to approve the over-the-counter ORASURE 20 minute mouth swab HIV detection test in Walgreens, Rite Aid etc for over-the-counter sales. Apparently we all need this product in our nightstands.

  12. webby686 says:

    OMG! i heard you guys talk about it for two days and finally checked out the ad now. that photoshop is sooooooo bad!!! could they at least line up the eyes!? start with four images of the same size!! that makes the creators of the campaign seem completely thoughtless and inept. it truly is a frankenstein monster!!

  13. thezak says:

    So called safer sex and condoms haven’t worked. We still have the epidemic. How widespread is the strategy? http://notb4weknow.blogspot.com of “Let’s get tested 2GETHER for A VARIETY of STDs B4 we have sex.” Neither politically correct campaigns nor any marketing changes the biological imperative, the powerful force.

    Regarding the other blog…

    > What do you think? Are we on point here? Is this sort of campaign helpful in any way?

    me: are they knowingly ignoring that? are there gay men who don’t know hiv exists? it is 2010. it’s not the ’80’s. find me some men who don’t know about hiv. find me some. point them out to me otherwise you have to talk about willful ignorance. you have to talk about vengeance because that’s the way people are. they just are that way. and if you willfully ignore these things then you are as complicit as those gay men who go out willfully infecting people. stigma is a deflection. mostly we have just perpetrators. who gave you the disease? and who did you give it to? it’s still a form of murder. it’s like “i didn’t know the gun was loaded, so i’m not guilty of murder.” “i didn’t know that wearing seatbelts would keep people from getting killed.” “i didn’t know that.” “i didn’t read a newspaper.” “i didn’t watch tv.” “i never heard of it.” “i didn’t know therefore i’m innocent.” does it mean they get thrown in a burning pit? do they get beaten and killed by a mob?, strung up? what does that mean demonize? what does that mean? i know what it meant in the middle ages. people who got themselves infected and are infecting others. that’s a fantastic claim. how can you say somebody who got themselves infected knows what they’re doing? or may have infected others.

    >”Recently, a French HIV organisation developed ads showing people having sex with giant 10-foot scorpions and tarantulas, equating it with having sex with someone who is positive. Charming. Another one from a few years back showed people fucking in a graveyard, their names on the tombstones above their heads. Lovely.”

    thezak: has that ever happened two people having sex dying and ending up in a cemetery?

    >”This is a dreadful campaign. As you point out, it demonises gay men with HIV/AIDS. It also renders relationships between gay men, with/without HIV/AIDS as nothing more than dangerous dances of death. It asks people to ignore a whole history of campaigns around safe sex which acknowledge the realities of sexual relationships.”

    thezak: are some of them dangerous dances of death where somebody later dies?…

    > Yes The American Campaign “He’s the one” stigmatises positive people, particularly gay men. Yes it’s a reactionary and hateful campaign. Eric Rofes was absolutely right when he spoke in”Gay bodies Gay selves that “the most pernicious consequence of AIDS was the way it re-pathologized homosexuality…” with an intense demonization of gay men. In 2010 this American campaign is trying to reactive these dangerous views about gay men and positive gay men . Why ?

    thezak: how did you get infected? who infected you? did you infect anybody else? will you go after those rotten lung cancer ads? and teenage accident pileup ads too? so they’re throwing them in pits of fie or hanging them in public. do i understand that correctly?

    >”Effective advertising says a lot with very little.”

    thezak: how’s that been working out? what is your status and when did you know it?

  14. Joey Y says:

    I was a little annoyed by this, until I thought out it for a minute. How many stories have we heard about someone seeming like a great guy, but not telling that they are poz? I don’t buy the “oh he probably didn’t know” thing, as at this point there’s pretty much no excuse. If you think about it, this campaign (intentionally or not) may have hit the nail on the head. A guy/website seems great, but turns out to be MUCH different than you expect, mainly because you DIDN’T ask or make sure you knew exactly what you were getting into. See the connection?

    • This comment completely encapsulates what Marc is saying here. This ad stigmatizes the positive in a way that is unfair and dehumanizing. That said, we’ve clearly not hit the magic nail on the head in terms of educating people. I don’t have an answer. It took not one but TWO SCARES to make me wise up. I wish I knew how to get through to people without taking them to the brink, but here we are.

      Dehumanizing folks who have the virus isn’t the answer. How is someone who is poz NOT a great guy? Someone’s character has nothing to do with whether they are poz or not. It has to do with how they behave, how they handle it, how they treat others. Negative guys (and I am negative) are often very self-righteous and condescending to positive guys. “Oh, I don’t have IT like THAT GUY over THERE!” And yet people get infected every day. Those same negative men are participating in risky behavior, but somehow feel superior because they haven’t tested positive yet. I know plenty of poz guys who believed before they tested positive that they are invincible. Its really a problem of the EGO of the NEGATIVE guys.

      Negative guys have got to stop living in a fantasy world thinking they can’t get it. It is dehumanizing campaigns like this that actually PERPETUATE that. By removing the human element, negative guys can’t connect emotionally. They don’t identify with HIV+ guys, so they don’t ever see themselves as becoming one.

      Wake up, guys, and get a grip on reality. We’re all at risk every time. Take responsibility for YOURSELF and PROTECT yourself instead of stigmatizing and isolating those you ASSUME are the danger. YOU are the real danger to YOU!

  15. thezak says:

    > I’m negative, but the idea of segregating and quarantining ANYONE makes me VERY uncomfortable.

    define segregating and quarantening. that’s the first thing you have to do. are they using those terms correctly? let’s get a dictionary http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/segregate http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/quarantine

    • Following offensive with arrogant and belligerent isn’t the best way to make your point. Go ahead and look THOSE words up in a dictionary.

      I don’t care what kind of spinster nuance you want to apply to your relativism, but everyone knows what segregating and quarantining is–noone needs a dictionary to figure that out. The suggestion that HIV+ folks should only go to bars and clubs on an HIV+ night is exactly that–you don’t need 10 shades of gray to flesh it out.

      Rather than hit the “reply” link where I quoted so the context is more obvious; if you want to pull my quote out of context and then stick it down at the very end so its disembodied and easily twistable, that’s fine. Ann Coulter does the same thing, so you’re in great company.

      Mike Huckabee suggested that we take all the HIV+ people and put them together away from the rest of the population too. So double kudos for you. Those are two great people to be emulating.

  16. thezak says:

              > I agree that poz guys MUST disclose their status to potential partners before things get too far–even if they intend to use condoms.

    but who actually does that?

    • The onus is on everyone. I haven’t always been smart about my choices in sex (though luckily I avoided anything serious before I wised up) but one thing I’ve ALWAYS done is taken the responsibility myself to ask “have you been tested lately?” and everything that follows from there before we transitioned to anything past second base. That might be what saved me. I’ve always been tested regularly, and have proudly been ready to share my results with anyone who wondered. If you’re going to hook up with someone, you have the right to know what their status is, and you have the responsibility to ask. Period. And the person you’re hooking up with has a responsibility to be honest with you.

      So my answer is, I hope everyone starts doing that.

      I have read your blog, and I think that you have a point that people need to get tested regularly. However, there’s never just one strategy to solving a problem. That’s very mathematical. You can get tested together AND use condoms, AND educate yourself. There’s no problem with condoms. Anyway, whatever we do, we need to take the stigma away from the virus. Its its mythical stigma that makes even talking about it taboo. Stop being stupid, folks. You need to talk about it, you need to ask about it. If you don’t ask because you’re afraid of rejection, get over it. They’re probably thinking the same thing, but THEY’RE probably scared of rejection as well.

  17. It’s kind of ironic that the goal of the ad campaign (which is to raise awareness of HIV and AIDS) was accomplished not by the campaign itself, but by the overwhelming negative reaction to it!

    So its not thanks to the ad agency, but to the bloggers (like LifeLube) and others who are keeping this discussion alive and relevant, and appealing.

    Can bloggers like us get a cut of the money?

  18. thezak says:

    Because you are America you are entitled to make these claims about me whether they are true or not, in the same way that Coulter and Huckabee make claims about people. You are free to travel in tandem with their methods. That is part of what makes this a great country, that we can survive even with people like them, and go, engaging in public discourse. Please feel free to accuse me of being a Nazi (but be warned that I may send an armored division of tanks and soldiers to your home at any moment!).

    I await your next mis/re-direction. Or we could get back to the topic at hand…

              > I agree that poz guys MUST disclose their status to potential partners before things get too far–even if they intend to use condoms. That said, negative guys have got to know how to protect themselves as well. The responsibility is clearly on BOTH partners EVERY TIME, regardless of known status to protect themselves.
              >
              > I’m a smart guy, I know how its spread, and I know how to protect myself, so I’d have no problem hooking up with a poz guy–I know how to stay safe in that and every situation.

    well, how is it that people are still continuing to get infected, it’s because they believe these myths.

              > There’s really nothing to fear if you’re smart.

    well, you have to define smart. What does that mean?

              > That said, I would not have much respect for a guy who fooled around with me–albeit safely–and didn’t disclose his status first. His status would not be a barrier for a second date, but lying would be.

    Do you know your status? HOW?

              > Attack the virus, not the person. Learn about HIV. Educate yourself. Take the stigma away and replace it with facts and compassion. It is true that ANYONE can get HIV–none of us are immune.

    yes, some of us are. we just don’t know who yet until we have universal testing.

              > So instead of stigmatizing, lets open up the dialogue and replace blind fear with wisdom!

    Wisdom, wouldn’t that involve knowing exactly what your status is and your POTENTIAL sex partner’s status.

              > And use a condom every time!!!

              > This comment completely encapsulates what M is saying here. This ad stigmatizes the positive in a way that is unfair and dehumanizing. That said, we’ve clearly not hit the magic nail on the head in terms of educating people.

    wouldn’t education involve knowing exactly what is your hiv status?

              > I don’t have an answer. It took not one but TWO SCARES to make me wise up. I wish I knew how to get through to people without taking them to the brink, but here we are.

              > how can you be scared if you know your partners status? then you can only be scared if you’re fearful you have no control over your actions. which leads one back to the power of one’s sexual feelings, and how you aren’t really in control. all of which explains why people become infected in spite of all the schemes devised to prevent the transmission of hiv.

              > Dehumanizing folks who have the virus isn’t the answer.

    ads don’t dehumanize people, people do.

              > How is someone who is poz NOT a great guy?

    if that person is deliberately infecting other people then by definition they aren’t a great guy, if they are resisting knowing their status then they aren’t a great guy. if they don’t tell anybody then they aren’t a great guy and so on.

              > Someone’s character has nothing to do with whether they are poz or not. It has to do with how they behave, how they handle it, how they treat others. Negative guys (and I am negative) are often very self-righteous and condescending to positive guys. “Oh, I don’t have IT like THAT GUY over THERE!” And yet people get infected every day. Those same negative men are participating in risky behavior, but somehow feel superior because they haven’t tested positive yet. I know plenty of poz guys who believed before they tested positive that they are invincible. Its really a problem of the EGO of the NEGATIVE guys.

    you’ve got it backwards. the problem is positive people who are going out infecting others. you don’t get hiv from a negative person. you get it from a positive person. and at this point in history everyone can know whether they are positive or negative. and anyone’s who’s positive should not be hiding their status from another person or deliberately lying about it and that is how people are continuing to become infected. ego doesn’t cause hiv. negative people don’t cause hiv. negative people with egos don’t cause hiv.

              > Negative guys have got to stop living in a fantasy world thinking they can’t get it.

    focusing on the wrong people. the problem is hiv positive people.

              > It is dehumanizing campaigns like this that actually PERPETUATE that. By removing the human element, negative guys can’t connect emotionally. They don’t identify with HIV+ guys, so they don’t ever see themselves as becoming one.

    desperately trying to put the onus on hiv negative people.

    positive people are relying on the false campaign… assume everybody’s positive, and that’s why the epidemic continues.

              > Wake up, guys, and get a grip on reality. We’re all at risk every time. Take responsibility for YOURSELF and PROTECT yourself instead of stigmatizing and isolating those you ASSUME are the danger. YOU are the real danger to YOU!

    Obviously, if negative people are becoming positive they aren’t stigmatizing, they’re ignoring.

    The aim here is to put an end to new infections. If a kid tests positive for tuberculosis they take the kid out of the school system.

    • I completely agree with everyone getting tested and knowing their status. What’s wonderful about you taking all of my comments out of context as you so KarlRoveishly are doing, is that you can skip the parts where I agree with you that everyone needs to know their status, and make it look like you’re so much smarter and superior to me.

      I completely DISAGREE with the idea of quarantining.

      I do know my status (as stated in a part of my previous comments that you DIDN’T life because they don’t make you look better) I am negative. I’ve always been negative, and I was tested last three months ago. I have protected sex only with my negative boyfriend. I have had protected sex in the past with POZ guys and [GASP] I’m STILL NEGATIVE. I also in the past made the boneheaded move of having unprotected non-receptive, but still stupid sex with guys that thought they were negative. Two of those guys tested positive much later, and called me–sending me into a panic which was only relieved when I again tested negative. This was years ago. I learned my lesson to always use condoms.

      We SHOULD all know our statuses. What your silly little quarantine is going to do though, Zak, is give people like yourself the false sense of security that we’ve rounded them all up and put them on their own island and now we don’t have to use condoms anymore.

      There is a THREE-folded solution here:

      1. Get EDUCATED. Learn how the disease spreads and how it doesn’t.
      2. Get TESTED REGULARLY. Always know your status.
      3. No glove? No love. ALWAYS correctly use a CONDOM, unless you’re in a LONG TERM (like months long, not weeks long, sweetie) COMMITTED, MONOGAMOUS relationship.

      If you decide to open it up? Guess what? The condoms go back on.

      If you cheat, fess up and get tested. You may lose the relationship, but if you love your partner, you’ll do it for him.

      If you suspect your partner is cheating, suggest that you put the condoms back on til you’re both tested again. You may lose the relationship, but if you love yourself, you’ll do it for you.

      Don’t spread lies here, sweetie. And don’t pull MY quotes OUT of context to do it. If you’re going to come at me, come at me like a man, and be up-front. Don’t make the implication that I don’t know my status when I have very very very clearly stated in the same comment that I do.

      That all said, you ARE right that we all always should KNOW our status, and you don’t know your status if you’re sexually active unless you’ve RECENTLY been tested in the last 3 months. That’s if you’re monogamous or not.

      Most poz people were infected by another partner that did not know that they were infected. This is ignorance, not malice. You imply there are poz guys going around intentionally infecting others, which is a crime. While I know that you’re right that this must be happening somewhere, the VAST majority of poz guys are very responsible and considerate. Your characterization of poz guys is that same “what a monster” mentality that stigmatizes and plagues our community. When you stigmatize and dehumanize someone like that, not only are you doing a disservice and injustice to those that are infected, you perpetuate stereotypes and ignorance in the greater community and put at risk those that AREN’T yet infected.

      As I said before, I always ask when someone was last tested. I think everyone else should too!

  19. thezak says:

              > I completely agree with everyone getting tested and knowing their status. What’s wonderful

    I’m not sure if you are being sarcastic here or if you actually admire Karl Rove. Clear that up.

              > about you taking all of my comments out of context as you so KarlRoveishly are doing, is that you can skip the parts where I agree with you that everyone needs to know their status, and make it look like you’re so much smarter and superior to me.

    Its possible I’m smarter and superior to you. But there are so many contexts that would have to be evaluated that we’d spend the rest of our lives doing it. I’m more interested in the topic at hand and will let you do the testing.

              > I completely DISAGREE with the idea of quarantining.

    Me too. Especially the Japanese-in-WWII-type.

              > I do know my status (as stated in a part of my previous comments that you DIDN’T life because they don’t make you look better)

    I can’t get any sort of meaning from the above sentence.

              > I am negative.

    Congratulation. Me too.

              > I’ve always been negative,

    What a coincidence. Me too.

              > and I was tested last three months ago. I have protected sex only with my negative boyfriend.

    When was he last tested? Are you sure he isn’t cheating on you?

              I have had protected sex in the past with POZ guys and [GASP] I’m STILL NEGATIVE. I also in the past made the boneheaded move of having unprotected non-receptive, but still stupid sex with guys that thought they were negative.

    That is one of the ways bad things happen.

              > Two of those guys tested positive much later, and called me–sending
    me into a panic which was only relieved when I again tested negative.

    That is a common scenario.

              > This was years ago. I learned my lesson to always use condoms. We SHOULD all know our statuses.

    Agreed.

              > What your silly little quarantine

    There are people who want to quarantine–but I’m not one of them. You must have become confused by something you imagined.

              > is going to do though, Z, is give people like yourself the false sense of security that we’ve rounded them all up and put them on their own island and now we don’t have to use condoms anymore.

    It sounds like this scenario has taken on a life of its own in your mind. There’s this thing called projection…

              > There is a THREE-folded solution here:

    The true fanatic always has a three part solution.

              > 1. Get EDUCATED. Learn how the disease spreads and how it doesn’t.
              > 2. Get TESTED REGULARLY. Always know your status.
              > 3. No glove? No love. ALWAYS correctly use a CONDOM, unless you’re in a LONG TERM (like months long, not weeks long, sweetie) COMMITTED, MONOGAMOUS relationship.

    Yeah, like that’s gonna happen! What planet did you recently arrive from?

              > If you decide to open it up? Guess what? The condoms go back on.

    Another miracle solution.

              > If you cheat, fess up and get tested. You may lose the relationship, but if you love your partner, you’ll do it for him.

    Are you sure everyone is so willing to give up a relationship, even one that might kill them?

              > If you suspect your partner is cheating, suggest that you put the condoms back on

    That’s gonna work as well as the proverbial screendoor on a submarine.

              > til you’re both tested again. You may lose the relationship, but if you love yourself, you’ll do it for you.

    And we know everyone is willing to give up the relationship because we see it happening all the time?

              > Don’t spread lies here, sweetie. And don’t pull MY quotes OUT of context to do it. If you’re going to come at me, come at me like a man, and be up-front.

    Do you mean up front like saying exactly what I think no matter what you say about me? Consider this more of that same up front.

              > Don’t make the implication

    The only thing that I know about you is that you are carrying on this conversation with me. I don’t know your status. You could be lying.

              > that I don’t know my status when I have very very very clearly stated in the same comment that I do.

    It is possible that you know your status. But I also don’t know if that’s true. You could be lying.

              > That all said, you ARE right that we all always should KNOW our status, and you don’t know your status if you’re sexually active unless you’ve RECENTLY been tested in the last 3 months. That’s if you’re monogamous or not.

    Whole lot of qualifications tacked onto the part about knowing your status…

              > Most poz people were infected by another partner that did not know that they were infected. This is ignorance, not malice.

    No. It is willful malice not to know your status. At one point in history, the 80’s, for example, when we could say ignorance. That is simply not true anymore.

              > You imply there are poz guys going around intentionally infecting others, which is a crime.

    For which people have been convicted.

              > While I know that you’re right that this must be happening somewhere, the VAST majority of poz guys are very responsible and considerate.

    That we don’t know. But DNA analysis will one day be sophisticated enough to trace the exact chain of infections where we can know who infected who. Believing this is like the myth that swans, or some other species of birds are faithful for life. No they aren’t. DNA demonstrates they aren’t.

              > Your characterization of poz guys is that same “what a monster” mentality that stigmatizes and plagues our community.

    Its not the community. Its the specific people who do this. As a white male I don’t expect to be thrown in jail the next time a white guy robs a bank.

              > When you stigmatize and dehumanize someone

    As this is America I’ll bite my lip and live with you characterize me as that kind of person. You are free to see me as inaccurately as you please.

              > like that, not only are you doing a disservice and injustice to those that are infected, you perpetuate stereotypes and ignorance in the greater community

    Again, white guy,… bank robber… not me.

              > and put at risk those that AREN’T yet infected.

    That is a leap of logic I’m unable to follow. But you are, again, here in America, free to do down whatever path your imagination sees in front of you.

              > As I said before, I always ask when someone was last tested. I think everyone else should too!

    I’m not interested in when a person was last tested. I want to know the results of their last test–and if it was done at least a couple of weeks after their last sexual contact. Now that’s knowledge I can use to make a smart decision.

  20. jimberly says:

    UGH.

    Can we stop pointing fingers at all these supposedly dishonest infecteds infecting the poor unsuspecting uninfecteds? The fact is this – most infections are not occurring due to dishonest POZ guys. In fact, MOST POZ guys take extra care to protect their partners as well as themselves. This is borne out by all the research. Anecdotes are not research, btw.

    Infections are happening among people who don’t know their status – usually because it is not current. They also tend to occur in settings where there is a lot of background prevalence – meaning a lot of HIV in the community, increasing one’s chances of encountering it, even if safe most of the time. In addition, infections tend to happen more in communities where access to care is limited – where people, for instance, learn they are POZ when they are very sick and already have AIDS, because they have been cut off from healthcare for any number of reasons. This is America, after all.

    New HIV infections are much more complex than the effects of individual behaviors – there is a host of structural issues and inequalities that drive the epidemic – including syndemic morbidities such as substance abuse, depression, partner violence, and childhood sexual abuse. Homophobia, incarceration, inadequate educational and employment opportunities, and HIV stigma (that is so well-illuminated by this crappy, crappy ad campaign).

    Our efforts need to look at these community-level, structural, syndemic issues if we are going to turn the corner of HIV. Individual behavior change included – but not deferred to.

    The argument that “if it saved only one life” is not valid. We have limited resources, we shouldn’t be throwing scarce dollars on strategies that have been proven to be ineffective. We have to do better. We have to save more than one life – and scaring people, and turning our brothers into monsters, is not the way to go.

    Jim Pickett

  21. jimberly says:

    Thanks Ameriqueer!

    Can I also just put in a plug for new methods of prevention. Relying on ONE – the condom – has shown itself to be unsustainable for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons.

    Currently in development, a rectal microbicide (RM) is an agent that could be formulated as a lubricant, gel, douche, or an enema and used rectally to reduce a person’s risk of HIV infection. Rectal microbicides could offer both primary protection in the absence of condoms and back-up protection if a condom breaks or slips off during anal intercourse (AI). Vaginal microbicides are also being studied.
    For those unable or unwilling to use condoms, RMs could be a safe and effective alternative way of reducing risk, especially if they enhanced sexual pleasure and were unobtrusive enough to motivate consistent use. Such alternatives are essential if we are to address the full spectrum of prevalent sexual practices and the basic human need for accessible, user-controlled HIV and STI (sexually transmitted infection) prevention tools.

    Learn more on the website of the International Rectal Microbicide Advocates – IRMA – http://www.rectalmicrobicides.org IRMA is a global network of 1,000 advocates, scientists, policy makers and funders from six continents working together to advance a robust rectal microbicide research and development agenda. IRMA is based in the United States with chapters in Latin America and Nigeria. I am the Chair 🙂

  22. thezak says:

    are we really talking about the entire universe of hiv people or are we talking about well educated gay guys?

  23. A. Donald Fisher says:

    there is an article online in today’s Chicago Tribune about the hesthe1……that could infect you campaign in the Health section. Please post your thoughts on the TRIB article as it has a far wider audience readership than this blog, and has the potential to get this exceedingly challenging issue proper notice it deserves. Mr. Picket was quoted in the article. , let us encourage other to offer comments as well,

    • Donald, it’s in really poor taste to go to any website or blog and tell their readers to go someplace else. Didn’t your mom teach you any manner? Rude.

      Do I come to your party and say “um there’s a better, more important party happening someplace else?”

      We spend thousands of dollars every year hosting, maintaining and upgrading the site so that we can create the community we want.

      Nobody is forcing you to participate here, go where you want to. Feel free to participate in both.

  24. A. Donald Fisher says:

    I posted an advertisement on Craigslist seeking a HIV+ man for a job at IML. After they responded, I told them I willing to pay an HIV+ man $15/hour to wear a SAFE SEX and GET TESTED tee shirt at IML. So far, these are the only replies:

    “Look fuckhead, you should have said that in the beginning, your not to wise to people in the online world are ya? And lose the smartass tude!! ”

    Sent from my U.S. Cellular BlackBerry® smartphone

    (and the other)

    “shopping for all those toys i need and the tons of hotel room orgies! “

    • thezak says:

      The correct term is always… safer
      There’s never zero risk.

      If people can’t even get the word right, are they really using so called safer sex practices?

    • Who’s stopping you from wearing a “safe sex” or “get tested” t-shirt at IML?

      While you’re at it, be sure to wear a “lose weight fatties” “seat belts save lives” and “smoking kills” t-shirt too.

  25. shadowheart51 says:

    I think The Zak and Mr. Fisher need a hug.

  26. thezak says:

    I’m compiling a list of all everybody I know who died.

    I’m compiling a list of court cases related to HIV infection too.

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