How many are in your party? For some people monogamy is just right, but for a growing number of people, open relationships is where they find true happiness.
We are raised on fairy tales of a handsome prince rescuing a fair maiden and then they live happily ever after, but how close is this image to real life?
As gay people, we try to reinterpret that image of monogamous marriage in our fight for gay rights and marriage equality. There is even a new study that shows that GLBT youth want to be married and have kids by the age of 30.
How many people are truly satisfied by having one lover for their entire life?
Tristan Taormino, award-winning author, columnist, pornographic film director joins us to talk about her new book Opening Up: A guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.
Tristan studied over a hundred polyamorous people, in a sort of Kinsey Report on non-manogamy. Tristan interviewed in person, over the phone and by email, people who were content and settled, and others who were at a crossroads in their relationships.
She discovered that all the people engaging in this lifestyle “exude an above-average level of sexual and emotional satisfaction -something that in my experience and observation seems to elude a lot of people.”
So how do you convince your wife to have a three way with the nanny, or the pool boy?
Well, it can be a very difficult topic to bring up because relationships are often viewed as sacred and some people are not going to react well to even bringing the topic up. Tristan recommends you start slow and put little feelers out there to see if they are the same wavelength. Of course, you have to make sure the person you are currently involved with has good self esteem otherwise you are in for a lot of trouble and soul searching.
Join us as we chat with Tristan about the tips and tricks on open relationships. We talk about how you design an open relationship, the pitfalls of an nonmonogmay, keeping it fresh five or ten years later and what to do if one person is kinky and they other is not.
There is a lot to take into consideration if you are going to turn your relationship into an open one. For example, what do you do if one person is attracted to it and the other isn’t? Is coming out as polyamorous like coming out of the gay closet? What do you do when someone reacts negatively to your identity? And what about the children, do the kids even care?
Tristan Toarmino is the niece of famous American author Thomas Pynchon, so of course we just have to ask her what he thinks of her work.
Take a dip in our jacuzzi of love- Feast of Fools.
[Originally posted on 06.16.08]
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Opening Up: A guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.
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5 Comments
Comments
When you said “Are you listening Vanman?”…I LOL’d.
Did you remove all the old comments?
What I love about this particular show is how Tristan is in complete control of her flow of information and completely thwarts every distracting side story and attempt to stray into extreme territory with a subject she considers so important.
She’s so well spoken and I love her energy and her articulate delivery. You guys need to get her back on the show, I’m sure she could expound on a wide variety of topics.
I also love seeing (hearing) this topic get such a serious examination. Even though I heard the show the first time around I thoroughly enjoyed listening to it again. I would love an updated perspective given the way the Marriage equality fight has been consuming our community with an emotional roller coaster of defeats and victories over the last few months.
Great show guys
Comments don’t carry over when we repeat a show. The original comments are still with the entry when
it first ran.
I’m not sure how I missed this interview the first time around, but I’m glad you reposted it. I am in complete agreement with Tristan. I’m in a polyamorous relationship, and have a primary partner. We have set up agreements with each other that work for our specific relationship. We live in separate homes, and talk openly about the other guys that we meet. And every month or so, we “check in” with each other to make sure that we both are still happy with the arrangement. I love it, and another book that I recommend is “The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities” by Dossie Easton and Catharine A. Liszt.
Hey guys! This is one of my favorite FOF’s ever !! I love the information Tristan shares, and the discussion that follows. Thanks so much for repeating it.
I didn´t here the show the first time but is really interesting to hear about open relationships and how you can handle this. Love the show